The Understanding
by drakkhammer
Summary: Wherein a shocked Thorin finds out family secrets. Wiser and cooler heads prevail. And love conquers all.


The Understanding

"Fili! Kili!" Thorin yelled, his voice echoing down the stone hall. "For Aulë's sake, we're going to be late!"

Still not getting an answer he bounded up the steps to their quarters. They had adjoining rooms connected by a door, that they never remembered to shut. Since he hadn't gotten an answer he didn't really think that they would be their room, but he might as well check just to be sure. The thick walls of Erebor could muffle sounds and it may be that they just hadn't heard him.

Thorin flung open Fili's door and entered the room only to skid to a stop when he saw the pair on the bed…naked…bodies twined together…having sex…

They were deep into a passionate kiss and neither knew he was in the room until they found themselves flung screaming to the floor by their hair. They rolled in separate directions and tried to get up. Both collapsed at the same time as they looked up to see Thorin towering over them his face nearly purple with rage.

He tried to speak but nothing came out.

Kili was terrified and raised a hand to shield his face certain that he was going to be beaten or kicked. Seeing his fear, Fili slid over and put himself between Kili and Thorin. "It's my fault. Blame me. If you're going to punish anyone it should be me"

Thorin stopped and looked at them cowering naked on the cold stone floor. Kili's eyes were huge with fear and he was trembling as he hid behind his big brother. Fili was afraid too, but the look in his eyes told his uncle that if he wanted to harm Kili he would have to come through Fili first.

A moment ago Thorin had wanted to kill them, but the murderous haze was fading. He had held them hours after they were born. He had been so afraid then to hold such a tiny thing, but his sister Dis had shown him how to support Fili's head and how to cradle the fragile new life so that it would feel safe in his arms. Then Kili came along and he was more confident in his role of uncle. When their father was killed he felt so inadequate, but had stepped up and done his best to fill the void in their lives. He had been spit up on, rocked them to sleep, fed them and wiped messy faces, mended skinned knees and protected and loved them with all his heart.

He could not believe that it all seemed to vanish like smoke in the wind. Where were his nephews, the little boys he'd taught to hold a sword and shoot a bow? Where were the skinny lads who could never get enough to eat and whom he'd gladly given his dinner to so that they wouldn't go to bed hungry during the bad times. Where were the strong warriors who had saved his life scant months ago?

Thorin's hands balled into fists as he fought to contain his feelings. Time seemed to be at a standstill. The boys didn't move – they waited for their uncle to decide what to do.

After a lifetime, Thorin took a deep breath and said, "I am going with the hunting party. You two are to stay here." He gave them a meaningful glare. "And _behave_ yourselves!"

He left the room and slamming the door shut as he went. The moment he was out of the room the boys scrambled into their clothes. Fili watched sadly as Kili went to his own room and shut the door for the first time since they had moved back to Erebor. Neither had any idea what Thorin's judgment would be, but they were sure that it was to be feared.

After a time Fili could not stand it any longer and opened the door to Kili's room. He saw his little brother curled on his bed knees almost up to his chin, body shaking with sobs. He slid into bed and spooned against him, sliding his arms around his soulmate. He nuzzled Kili's soft dark hair and whispered, "Don't worry I won't let him hurt you and I won't let him separate us. I promise."

Thorin's mind was not on hunting and he missed his shot. The deer bounded off into the woods leaving Thorin standing alone bow held loosely, his mind racing, unable to focus on anything let alone the hunt. Thank Aulë they no longer had to depend totally on hunting to survive.

Dwalin came over and laid a hand on Thorin's shoulder startling him. "What's the matter? It's rare for you to miss your shot."

Thorin shook his head. "I've had a headache all day that I can't seem to shake. The light hurts my eyes. I'm going to head back; I'm no use to anyone here." He hated to lie to Dwalin, but he could scarcely tell him the truth. Dwalin just nodded in sympathy and let him pass.

When Thorin reached his room he had a headache for real, so at least he felt a little better about lying to Dwalin. He sat down and put his head in his hands. This was so outside of anything that had ever happened – that he had ever heard of happening that he had no idea what to do. None.

He couldn't sit still. He paced. He poured himself a glass of wine and then forgot to drink it. He lay on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm, but it blocked the light – not the scene that played behind closed eyes of his nephews entwined completely oblivious to anything but each other.

Male on male coupling was not considered to be the norm by any means, but for centuries it had been winked at and ignored. It wasn't spoken of; it was a part of life that, while not completely hidden, was simply not acknowledged publicly. Partners had survivor rights and all that because Dwarves weren't barbaric and backward, but there was no handholding in public or anything that reminded the population of things that might be going on behind closed doors.

Closed doors.

His nephew had the door closed. Thorin had barged in without knocking. In his wildest dreams he could not have foreseen what he would find; the most he expected was to see that one or both of them was not dressed yet. He'd seen every inch of them since they were babies. The nudity was not a factor - the sex was the problem. Siblings simply do not do this, not now not at any point in history. It's so wrong there are laws against it. He hung his head further as he realized they were also breaking the law.

Behind closed doors.

If only there had been a lock on the door…

When he could stand it no longer, Thorin left his quarters and went to Fili's room and knocked. There was no answer and he entered the room slowly. He was relieved to find the room empty but saw the door to Kili's room ajar. He moved to it and opened it slightly. He looked in and saw the two asleep on Kili's bed. Fili was cradling his younger brother, one arm protectively across his chest. He watched them for a long time. They were so young. How could they know what they were doing? Did they know how wrong it was?

He slowly shut the door and went back to his own quarters. He was the King, or would be as soon as the coronation ceremony was held, but still he was the law. What was he going to do? Was his first act as King in Erebor going to be to banish one or both of his nephews? He loved them with all his heart. They were the children he never had. It would be easier to cut out his heart than to send them from his sight. He didn't realize he wept until he felt the chill of the tears drying on his cheeks.

He fell across his bed willing the world with all its problems to go away. In spite of his misery, or maybe because of it, he slept.

The weight on the side of his bed awoke him. Thorin started awake to find Dis sitting there looking at him. She reached out a gentle hand and traced the path the tear had washed through the dust from the hunt. He looked up at her and saw love, tenderness and understanding in her blue eyes.

"It's all right, Thorin," she said softly.

He reached out and took her hand. She squeezed it and brought it to her lips. She sat like that for a long moment holding his hand, comforting him. He took things so to heart. He had tried to be father, husband and brother to her for many years. He was always so responsible that he left so little of himself for any joy. The others had made a life in the Blue Mountains, but he had never let himself relax and feel pride in his accomplishments. It was never enough and never would be enough until Erebor was the home of Durin's line again. Now that had happened and it still wasn't enough. He was still carrying the world on his shoulders.

She moved a little closer and ran a hand over his forehead and down over the tangle of his hair. She rearranged a stray lock and smiled at him, her eyes full of love.

"The boys came me a little while ago. They told me everything." Her voice was soft and he thought it surprisingly calm.

He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. She took his hand again and looked up at him.

"I know about them. I've always known." She smiled again at the look of astonishment on his face. "I'm their mother and mothers always know about their children."

"How could you? I mean…how is it…oh I don't know what I mean…" His voice trailed off and he sat with one hand in hers the other in a clenched fist.

"I do not know how it happened and neither do they. At some point as they were maturing they realized that they are soulmates. They never intended to become involved. At first they thought it was just natural that they loved each other so much and then they started to understand that it was more than that. Much more than that."

"It didn't become…uh…more than that until about a year ago. I noticed the change in them. They suddenly both looked more, well, grown up."

Thorin shook his head. "Didn't you say anything to them? Tell them that it is wrong?" He was way past being astonished at his sister's seeming acceptance of their behavior.

"I thought about it." She paused. "I thought about it a lot. I talked to Balin about it."

"Balin knows?" Thorin's voice was almost a squeak.

She nodded. "He's the wisest person I know and I value his council. He said he'd noticed their closeness as well and guessed what had happened – what was happening. He said that they had made their choices and that it was out of everyone's hands but theirs. I could part them, but it would only hurt them and they would just be two lovers with broken hearts. I didn't want that, so I kept their secret."

He gently took her chin and tipped her head up to look at him. "You could have told me."

"No, I couldn't have. Not any more than I could have told you about Frerin."

"What about Frerin?" Thorin was mystified how his brother could factor into this conversation.

"I could not tell you that he was bonded with his friend, Bayen."

"Bayen?" He remembered the tall blond Dwarf with the ready laugh and the braided beard.

"They were pledged to each other. They hoped to be able to spend a lifetime together." Dis dropped her eyes, the corners shimmering with unshed tears. "It wasn't written for them to have that time. When Frerin fell Bayen protected him as long as he could and then joined him in the Halls of Our Ancestors." A single tear slid slowly down her cheek. "It is just as well, as one could not have lived without the other."

Thorin wiped the tear away with his thumb. He had always carried the burden that he was not there for Frerin. He had been too far away to protect his little brother. It eased that weight a bit to know that someone who loved him was there to defend him unto death.

Dis' voice was so soft he could barely hear it. "When you enter the Halls of Our Ancestors will you welcome him still?"

Thorin nodded. "I will welcome him and I will welcome Bayen. It will be good to have two brothers."

Dis hugged Thorn, her face buried in robe, his hair softly sliding against her cheek as he bent to kiss it.

He heaved a shaky sigh. "I wish I had known."

"I wish he could have told you, but you would not have been ready to hear it. You are different now, wiser and kinder than you were then. You are the King and not the Prince trying to find his way."

She sat up. "What do you intend to do to Kili and Fili?"

"Do?"

"They are terrified that you will separate them, banish one or both of them." Dis straightened her shoulders. "You are my brother and you are the King, but I will not let you hurt my boys."

"I have no intention of hurting them." He didn't want to think about his musings on the possibility of banishment or worse. It was one thing to think about punishing them when he was upset and quite another when his sister sat next to him ready to defend them. The news about Frerin and Bayen had rocked him. That their friendship had been more than that would never have occurred to him in a millennium. He was glad that his brother had been loved and had not died alone, but it was a lot to deal with. He didn't think his mind could stretch around all that he had learned this day.

"What they are doing is against the law." It sounded like a stupid argument even as he was saying it.

Dis shook her head. "No. No they aren't. That law is for brother and sister. You can read it until you go blind and there is nothing about two brothers." He looked at her and she nodded. "I know because I've read it."

He rested his face in the palm of his hand and sighed. "You would." He looked up at her and smiled. "Only you would have gone down and read the fine print."

"Of course I did." Dis smiled at him. "Now we need to get back and talk to the boys, they are living in terror at what you are going to do to them."

Thorin shook his head and heaved a sigh. "Of course I'm not going to do anything to them, but we will have to come to an understanding."

"Agreed. And I'm certain that you will be very understanding." Dis rose and waited for him at the door.

When they entered Dis' apartments Thorin immediately saw that the two boys were sitting on a padded bench huddled together. The moment they saw him they sprang apart eyes wide with fear. When they saw their mother's smile they became slightly less tense…slightly.

Thorin entered and sat down so that he didn't tower them. He paused and then cleared his throat. "This isn't going to be easy…for me." He saw their expressions change and held up his hand. "You are not going to be punished. No one is going to be banished or sent anywhere."

"It was a surprise and I'll admit not a pleasant one. But as your mother has made it plain, it is not my life and not my choice. You are old enough to make your own decisions and even take a wife, or in your case a lifemate. This isn't what I would have chosen for you, but then…no one asked me." He managed a slight smile giving them hope.

He stood up and walked over to them. "You two, come here."

They got up slowly and approached him. As they did, Thorin opened his arms and pulled them both in holding them against his broad chest.

"You're my nephews and I love you. I could never do anything to hurt you. If this is what you both truly want I will not stand in your way and I will not permit anyone else to do so either."

Kili looked like a puppy who just wanted to please. His eyes widened and he started to grin and threw both arms around Thorin's shoulders hugging him hard. Fili was slightly more restrained, but just barely. Thorin was feeling decidedly squished. He looked up to see Dis smiling widely at him. She had her family back and that was all that mattered.

Thorin stepped back and said. "Tomorrow let's see about getting you lads a bigger apartment with more rooms."

"And a bigger bed!" Kili said happily.

Fili winced, but his uncle only laughed while his mother blushed. "Yeah, that too. We'' make it king-size for two princes."

_I swore I wouldn't ship Fili & Kili, but the more I see them together the more they belong together._


End file.
